Sabrina-Mae Ariella Luna Moonwater: The Dramatic Commentary
by SilverZero1014
Summary: When XxWiltingrosexx published this horrible story, it was my duty as a writer to make sure no one else suffers the pain of reading this story. To do that, I had to make comments inside it! Hope you like it! Wannabe-Critics United guests are camper noobs.
1. Masechewtits and Ass-troids

**Hai it's Silver here and I have made a new story! I have decided to take Didi (Guest)'s advice and make a spork on this story! Yay! Now, as anyone who has read this story knows that it is the next Moon Daughter, or the next My Immortal. I do not own this excuse for a fanfic, XxWiltingrosexx does.**

My reel **Your fishing hook? **name is Sabrina but I dont use it because i think it sounds two **Sa-bri-na is three syllables**basic so I go by Luna Mae cos its prettier and sounds pretty **this was very redundant and sounds reduntant**.

My hair is verry long and it is 3 colors **Impossible**. Blue, red and silver. My eyes are doll like **now that's just creepy** and are green they're biger than most peoples but not big enough that it looks wered even tho som peple trid to call me ugly onec **They tried to call you ugly, but you used your Sue powers to immobilize their vocal cords**. Eva since I was smal thay turned wite when i'm mad and black when i'm not mad **You and noEnlgishkit/pwa could be friends (Read my warriors fanfic to get that reference) **. Some people cal taht being happy but happyness is just an Illusio.

I always knew i was specal. I was always differnt than mi class at scool **Never take the h out of School. You're making it sound cool**. People thot I was strang! And then they wered out **They weird out?** and starts beating me up which made me sad **_Gee, you don't say_** because I could never escape the beating **Bring nunchucks to school. Problem solved**. But then they started to like me because i pritended to like pink and I actid fayk like them **xxMoonlitexx: You poser prep!**. It was reely hellish but i did it 2 survive **And somehow the teachers don't notice anything**.

But i didnt want to be a halfblood.

I had an okay lif, friends, and people that semmed to like mebut my parents sucked and even when my clasmayes stoped hiting me they still beet me up nitly **My parents beet me up all the time. I hate vegetables. All sarcasm aside, if they stopped hitting you, then how did they beat you up?**.

On my shoulder I have a scar shaped like a broken hart from weare my dad punched me with his fingers **When you punch someone, they usually don't bleed, they usually get bruises. Also, no matter how you punch someone, you can't give them a wound shaped like a broken heart.** because I was singing to loudly.

The day I found out I was not a real human **She's a fake human – A Mary Sue**, was a monday. And I hate mondays. A HUG monster **OH NO! YOU ARE GOING TO GET HUGGED!** came to school nd nobody else could see it and it was like kinda scary **I know, hugs are scary** but I New I had to save my friends even if they were fake **Your friends are Mary-Sues too?** so i used a butter knife **Why would you use that?** and stabbed it at least 11 times. **Unfortunately, butter knives are puny for fighting and are not made of celestial bronze or any godly metal, so the monster killed me and everyone was happy.** Then this goat-guy came and escorted me from my home in masechewtits **XD** allll the way to NewYok. TO A SUMMER CAMP?! But their was this guy called Chiron and he reassured me it was okay there so i decided to stay.

And ten **Later or before?** my parents dide from being on a boat an an asstroid hit thm **Ouch** so no im yeer round and i hav bene four 2 yeers **First you say you've been for four years, and now you say you've been for 2? Make up your mind!** but i havnt bene clamed.

i woldnt clame me ether **well that's depressing** but it is still sad and upseting to me.

**hey my names xxwiltingrosexx but my real names raven ****Why do I doubt that?****hope y oul ike read ****We've already suffer- I mean, read the chapter, so that was redundant****and reviwew**

**Wow. Just, wow. I can't believe I have to spork 7 more chapters of this nasty crap. Please review so I can go on.**

**SilverZero1014,**

**Over and Out.**


	2. Sabrina's heart is driving

**Hi guys. It's SilverZero1014. I don't have anything to say, so, uh let's get into it!**

**CHAPTER two {2} - I meat someonek new ****and I vegetable someone new**

"Hey. a cute guy says to me as i sit around the camp fire. It is very hot and my skin burns **If your skin is ablaze, then get out of the fire!** but i stay in front of it because i new I deserved the pain. No one everloved the rale me and I New it was all my falt. **Falt – wheat in London containing nine bushels – so, no, it is probably not your falt.**

"Uh hiiii 3." I smile sweetly and flip my, red, silver and blue hair over my shoulder and flash him a look of my green ORBS **Orbs? Is this Final Fantasy or something? **. He was really cute and I was so ugly compared to him **You're not a guy.** with my green eyes and ugly firery red hair. Everyone tald me I wasnt peety. **No, you're Sabrina. Not petey.**

"WHat;s ur name :):' he wi nks and I wink back.

"Sabrina-Mae Ariella Luna Moonwater. But u can call me Luna-Mae. Whast ur name. :3:"-

"Im Percyi and the is my grilfriend Annabet. He pointed to the girl next to him and I felt my heart brake. **Your heart was driving?**

uwu pls revew i worked v hard **Either you're a 4 year old or you're lying, because the quality of work that this is looked like you wrote it in 10 minutes** and ty for 2 reviews uwu

**Well. I hope you enjoyed it, even if this chapter was short. BAI!**

**SilverZero1014,**

**Over and Out.**


	3. Zues appwares and Sabrina gets clam-ed

**Hai itz Silver here and here is another chapter of my spork! Sorry for the lack of updates, but anyways, enjoy!**

Chapter 3- I get climmed **You got climbed?**

" look A monster " someone said pointing to a monster. **Just casually saying "oh, look, a monster." as if it's not a deadly creature that could potentially kill her **She had red hair to but it was lighter than my firery waist length hair it was pretier than min and I nearly started crying **Gasp! Someone is prettier than a Mary Sue! **but then I strengthen my risolv I must fire the monster and maybe I will be clamed **You'll be clammed? Like turning into a clam?**(ik the chapter says she will be but she doesn't know yet) **No breaking the fourth wall!**

I grab a knife from the ground and run towards the monster super fast. It's bigger rhan I am but I can still win. **Size matters not, especially for Mary Sues**

I throw my body on it **That sounds… wrong **and stab it. One stab. Two stab. **Apparently in Sue language, one and two are singular, but three is plural!** Three stabs. The monster falls and I stomp on its head. Making sur it dead. I felt bad but it cold have kill Percy **It would freeze him to death?**and i want to svae him from harm. **I think he can take care of himself.** "Oh my god I'm Inn love i soad **what's soad? **and I Began too cri tears of regret

As i am on the ground, a moon with a trident in the cnenter pops up above my head.

"OMG" Says percy.

"OMG." Sayc chiron.

The red headed girl stated at me in amazmint **Yes, mints are amazing **and I looked at the symbol in shock.

"What does this mean." I sad questioninglh "who is mi parent,

Al of a sudden ZUES **OH NO! NOT ZUES! **APPWARED **DOUBLE OH NO! HE APPWARED** AND GLARED AT ME

I hop u guys liek m y clifhanger! review too sya waht yoy **What? **think. i respod to PMs to :)

luv u all- RAVEN XXXXXX

**...WHat was that?**

**SilverZero1014, **

**Over and Out.**


	4. Zues has juice and gods and stuff

CHAPTER 4

"You are a menece" said zuice **Zues Juice!**meanly and I started crying again but my tears were silver from one I and bright blue from the over. **The over.**

"U are a daughter of not just one god, but 2. Artemis and posidan **There are just so many things wrong with this. ARTEMIS IS A VIRGIN**

I gaspe. "But I am jus a deymigod. Not a rel good "

Soemon that hated me had to be plying a trick on me. May be it was perc **Perc**. I begin crying even harder at the thought of his messy black hair and green eyes not liking me,

"Yore not a god sabrina-mae ariele luna moonwater, i madfe u a demigod because you are too powerful as a god. **PLOT DEVICE**

Chiron fainted "how can this be tru"e he exclaimed **I thought he was asleep from fainting?**

Wait. I said I have a family I gasped

"They arnt you're real parents" zeus laughed "I put you with them because you deserved to suffer for being the child of them' (them is Pisoiden and Artimus BTW :))

Then he disapperead, leaving me next to percy, annabet and chiron.

'Well since artemis cabin sometimes have the hunter **There's only one?****.** We have to put u in posiden because practically nobody is in their besdies one person"

Percy walks away and i can't help but wonder who shares cabin with me I hopped **I like to hop too. hopping is fun! **they wouldn't hate me

I walked in to the cabin and it was…

Perci! **The female version of percy. **,?!,?!,,?!.?.?,,,?,? **Comma Question Mark Exclamation Mark Comma Comma Question Mark Exclamation Mark Period Question Mark Period Question Mark Comma Comma Comma Question Mark **

Soneone in comets **ITS AN ALIEN **sayd it was rong fo Sabbrina too licke **To lick Percy? EW! **Petcy **Percy as a pet** but its duferent cos gods **Yeah, but children of the same gods/goddesses** **don't date each other because that's still incest **and stiff. **Everything is explained because of gods and stuff. "Why does Sabrina like Percy?" "Oh, because of gods and stuff" "Why does the universe exist?" "Because of gods and stuff" "Why did your dog poop on my couch?" "Because of gods and stuff"**

hav a nice dah **DAH**:)

Ravenxxxxxxxxxx

**Silverxxxxxxxxxx**

**SilverZero1014,**


	5. Annabeth and Percy are driving, too

**Hi it's Silver here, and I am here with my spork!**

I werked **For some reason my brain read that as "Twerked"** reealy hard on this 1 soo i hopp **Let's all hop together!** you engoy :Ddddd

CHAPTER 5- i kiss percy?

Hi luna percy said and i walk over to him. **Run-on sentence** He was so cute and I wanted to cry more but I didn't because I never cry. I think it was the artjimsu **What? **in me. (Zeus forece d me too cri **how can someone force you to cry? **earlier Btw dont worry I'm consistent) **At least you're better than xxMoonlitexx!**

I look at the cabin and it is blye with a fountain and bunk beds on the walls. "Which bed should i take.'

'Uh whatever won **But what about whatever lost you want?** you want."

I take the one near the fountain

"Your relly prettyy luna-mae."

;no i'm not i'm ugly **Depression is a sign of a Mary-Sue**

'No yohr retty."

"Don't u have a girlfreind?!

Yes but I think she's cheeting on me

(IM not adding speec **Space or speech?**marcks cod they dont mater **yes they do **btw Ill start adding them in l8er :)

Oh no , i'm sorry

Its okay shes not as pretty as you anyway.

I blush, and my cheeks turn the same color as my hair. Foury red. **But what about the three-y red, or the two-y red?**

He puts a hand on my cheek and we stare into eachothers green eyes. His are pretty.

I'll brake **Percy and Annabeth are driving too?** up with annabet tomorrow I promise I love you Sabrina-Mae Ariella Luna Moonwater and I want to be together 4ever

I love u too

He pulls me in for a kiss and as our lips tuch i feel like the world stops.

"U have nice lips." **That sounds weird**

'Thanks u too."

Than we fall asleep. We both sleep on his bed because we love each other. He snuggles me in my sleep and I kno that I'm not ugly.

Read and review xxxxxxxxrafenxxxxx **I thought your name was raven?**

**Review plz! **

**SilverZero1014, **

**Over and Out.**


	6. EVERYONE IS DRIVING and a stupid quest

**Hi it's Silver. I don't have anything to say, so yeah.**

Chaprter si6 **I guess she started to write six as a word but gave up in the middle and just wrote it as a number **\- i get a prophecy

When i am awake, i feel percy and his green eyes strong arms around me. Good morning I love you we say in unsion.

I gett up undress **you undress into clothes? **in the corner, i pull on a silver, knee length dress with blu swarls on th scirt with black hugh **hugh** heeled boots and put my hair in an up do and put makeup on and put jewelry on.

I feel pretty. Percy has changed me and nothing can brake **STOP DRIVING **me anymore.

I go to breakfast because i'm hungry and I have some fruit because i'm vegan and i don't like met **Me too. I prefer the Yankees** or milk . I understand what it's like to not want to die and it's not fare that animals should have to so we can eat them so I don't eat meat (go vegan guyssss xox ) **not happening**

Annebeth comes up and tries to kiss percy. He pushes her away. "I'm braking **why does everyone drive?** up with u baby"

"Why baby?"

"I love luna-mae not u annabeth

I'm sorry"

I neaely cry becoz of how compassion he is . "I'm sorry annabeth I hope wecan be freinds."

"No" she tries to punch me but purch **perch? Like a bird's perch?** grabs her rist. "Dont be a Bitch **I thought this fanfiction was rated K+** annab**a**e" he says "its not her falt **but in chapter 2 Sabrina said it was all her falt!** and anyway you sheeted **ANNABETH SHAT ON PERCY? **on me with Luke, nico, magbus **INCEST** and clarrise **I didn't know Annabeth was bi**,. Tats 5 people **no it's not **! Thats to many ex-baby"

She sniffs "but i love you percy."

"no I say" I love him and I've never been in a relatship with enyone befor so my love is truer than you'res. **That is the most cliche thing I've heard all day ** Perc is my first and only relationship,

I kno my mother would be angry at me becaus she's a virgen but Tadoy I dodnt cair. My mother would under stan. **You're mother would be under stan?**

Percy come now! I yell and pul his hadn . Churoon **Chiron the churro** told me to come to teh big house

I walk to the big house with perc **perc **anfd we see chrion out front with diyonisusus **what about pheebusususususs Apollo**

Hell o luna mae, hi petir jons son **Who's Peter Jon and why is ****Percy** **Perc his son?**. Says diyonisusus**usususususususususususs** (or Bakus) **Baka?**

A cute blond boy stamds next to ciron.

Jason! Percy says and he goe up to teh blon boy why are u here jason? Percy asks

I have prophecy for us

Ok

We all got t go to boston and find the golden harp **The golden harp sounds like something Apollo would use** so we can save cam jupiter **cam Jupiter? Is Zues in trouble?**

But ive never been on quest before! I say

Ya but ur strong says percy strongly

Thax **Thax** I say

Go back you're bags says jason

Ok i say

Thes one is longee :) hope youuuu likeeeeee xxxxxraven xxxx

**SilverZero1014,**

**Over and Out.**


	7. boring clothes descriptions

**hOI! It's silver again. Yea I haven't updated in a while :P. sorry. I've been too busy quitting fortnite and then having my friends yell at me for quitting fortnite and then have my friends yell at me some more for continuing to play ROBLOX. Also, I would have updated earlier but I was in China and the stupid captcha wasn't loading, so I was blocked out of my account for a month. Okay, now that we're done with my lame excuses, let's start the spork. **

**Hiiiii read review enjoy 3****what's with the random 3?****;)**

**Chapter 7 we leeve HB ****HB? ****to go on a qust**

I am not sure wat to pack caus id never been on quest so i Juast put my lucky bow in my bag (it's charmd too not run out off aros **Eros? Your bow shoots love arrows?** so i can shot as much as i want and i won't rum **you won't alcohol** out of aros) and then began to pack cloths **ooh! Pick silk! Pick silk!**.

I put a blu sparkly dress in mu bag **why do mary-sues always wear flashy clothes on important quests?** it has shorts attacked **A wild pair of shorts attacked!** so i don't need to wear shors underneath. I make sure to pac my special underwear that are orange and have the days o the weks on the but. **What? They have the days or the weeks on your butt?**

I put a special orange camp half blood corset dat I mad myself **when did you have time to learn how to do that? **and went really nic with shorts tho I didn't where it much cause I used to thinc I am ugly.

I go outside and se epercy **epercy? **and jason yeling at them. **Them? Who?**

Why are you arguing i say nicely

Cause your mY girlfriend says percy **INCEST!**

bu t she likes me to **says casper the missing name**

I then cry because i like them bothg **ah, the stereotypical Mary-Sue relationship problems because the lead character is too pretty.**

It wasnt fair I hated dat I camebetween freundship. **I think your emotions are pretty fair. **I wish i cold date them both **Wow. Incest and unfaithfulness.**

"I dink aim ready" **you're ready to aim? FIRE! **I said and they stopped foughting.

"Actualy no says Percy" and he ran in the Ateena cabin and came out hodlng a yankee cap.

its magic you can change its color **when did it get this ability? **to ur favourite and it maks you i nvissibal. **And how does Annabeth feel about you stealing her cap after you broke up with her for no reason? **

"Thank you I said" hugging Percy. i made it a coloour a perfc cross between his and jasons orbs **STAY FAITHFUL TO PERCY! YOU RUINED PERCABETH! DON'T RUIN JASPER TOO!** it was turquoise and I hugged Percy in thanks.

Jason looked sad so I huged him to. **Then Jason got pissed off because you turned him huge and killed you.**

Let's go he says.

Stop saing eveythings incest :,( **XD **

**overwide thanx for readong ****redong ****review and emhoy ****emhoy ****now thank uo ****uo**

**its silver and thanx for readong review and emhoy now. bOI!**

**SilverZero1014, **

**Over and Out.**


	8. almost nothing plot-related happens

**I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm really lazy and I got a Nintendo Switch and I'm absolutely addicted to Breath of the wild**

**Critics United is being a little bitch. Stop being a little bitch, Critics United. Especially you, Hentai Kamen Fenikkusumaru/Shin KR Duelist, who decided that leaving this excuse of a review on here: "**_**Calling that mass of revolting sludge of yours a story is like calling a bucket of putrid, stinking, maggot-infested garbage a steak dinner. Like rotting garbage, there's occasionally some recognizable trace of what it was supposed to be, which only makes the rest of that disgusting sack of offal posing as fanfic just so much worse. Then you have the utter gall to beg people to praise your efforts, as though you actually made some effort instead of just scribbling down your brain drool and contaminating the Net with it. Nobody with the intelligence of a body louse would pretend that was a story. In fact, I owe your lice an apology for saying that. I've had toenail fungus that was smarter than you. I've read better stories in random combinations of words made from old bills that have gone through the paper shredder. You would have to get smarter to become a drooling idiot. Whoever deluded you into believing you could write ought to be flogged. Not only do you expose unsuspecting readers to the foul mess of slaughterhouse waste you call a story, but you cry like the whiny little baby you are when people don't tell you it's the best story ever. I bet you're crying right now. You're an infected boil on the buttocks of fandom. Your momma curses herself daily for ever letting a stupid brat like you be born. I hope you someday have the decency to blow your own head off and put yourself out of our misery. Signed Hentai Kamen Fenikkusumaru Critics United Chaos Control May the force be with you"**_ **would get me to take it down. Anyways here is chapter 8.**

Lchapter 8

We leav the camp and hed to the airport so we can get plane to boston cos thats where thee quest is.

We get on the plaine and since zues rules the skies and zeus hates my dad poisden, he trys to shot mhy plaine down with lightning but we dodge it becoa we had Jasoin. **Unless Jason was piloting the plane, I don't see how you could dodge it.**

Bostn is very cold **judging from these long clothes descriptions, I'd guess it was summer from all the dresses she wears, so Boston wouldn't be that much colder than NYC **and when we leave the airport we call a limo to come drive us but the limo driver turns out to be a MONSTER!

End of chapter (DW lol I'm joking) **Okay then?**

Percy pulls oyt his sword and i grab my magic bow while jason tries to find the keys to the limo **why does the limo need keys to open it from the inside? **and we shot the monster down **Who's "we"? Did Percy shoot it with his sword?**. He drips **ew** loads of gold **why does he drop gold?** and a leather jacket and I take it and tri it on. It's a lit,e big when I try it on but persy smild with a look on his fake **so Percy is faking it?** when I try it on so I like it.

I don't now hoe **you don't know prostitute to drive** to drive but when i try i'm not to bad! ***cough* mary sue *cough***

End of chapter (not kiddin this time ppl!) don't worry ill post again soon xX 3 **why does she keep writing "3" in her stories? **love raven

**That was short, so I'll throw in another one.**

Chapter nein **SHES A NAZI**

We stood in boston it was big and spacos. We where in a streat with makes **makes?** and females boncing arond us. I smild and perci **the female version of percy **and jscson smild back. They were so hot. It was sad _**It's so sad that the two members of my quest are attractive**_. I was sad **why? Do you hate hot people?**but i held bax teers.

"Wht do we do? Said jason

Idk" says petci.

"We need to find Harp" says Jason.

"Wi could try that music ship **the boat in the middle of nowhere**." i say pointing to a shop. Called Sirens Cave **That's a good indicator that there are monsters in there**. "God idea (do you get it :D) ***groan* not these aweful puns **Luna Mae says Jason. Than you very munch. I say. percy kisses me and I KISS BACK BITING HIS TEETH! **Ew. That sounds painful I'm fairly sure that's not how you kiss.**

ur teeth r strong says Percy **in pain after you broke his teeth **out of breth.

Tank yo veery much I say looking inti his green orbs.

Wi walked into th ship and inside the we're womn brushin there long blond. **Random period** hair.

"Hello" I smile

"Hi they grin wit shap but prettyteeth there voices meddolic

"Can we hav help finding Harp plese I said to the women

"Of couse Sabrena we giv wgatever u desire

Thank you I laugh **Do you not know the who the Sirens are?**

I luv all you guys so muc h so ryfor **ryfor?** not updat thnk you to evryone wgos been nice to me :)))))))

i hope ylu like Sabrina **we don't**

~~~~~~~Raven,,,,**comma comma comma comma **cxxxxxxx **random string of letters.**

**I luv yoou guys so muc h so ryfor updat thnk evryonewgos nice**

**SilverZero1014,**

**Over and out.**


End file.
